Role Disruption
End of day snuggles after a full day in Iowa heat: awesome Living Farms excursion and pool time!
I have a new job - a full time husband and Dad. With that focus I have (no surprise for those that know me) taken more of a role in day-to-day operations of our family :). In the 2+ months since I no longer went to my office in downtown Seattle, and in the 2+ weeks we have been on the road this has resulted in some wins, draws and losses! All have been a part of the experience we wanted to get from this, the kind that only happens when you are around ALL the time, but it is certainly not always smooth sailing.
The wins include the ones I expected: so many “mini moments” each day with Whitney, Scarlett, Nora and Hazel. Day after day of play, exploration, and interaction and being a part of us all, all five of us, working out how each day is going to unfold, what we can get out of it, and what adventures we can uncover.
The draws include daily chores. Apparently they don’t disappear even when you are traveling. We are noticing it is easier and faster to take care of the chores. Putting this down to the smaller living space and the fact we have a lot less things - less clothes, less toys, less everything. Other experiences in this category are ones you hope are wins, but sometimes/often they are satisfying draws, which is fantastic. Things like most workouts and runs, a swimming lesson, tennis lesson or hit, an excursion that was good but perhaps didn’t capture our imagination on that day, that moment. To me creating a lot of experiences in this category is a key factor to having a ton of the magic/wins discussed above. Being present in each of these experiences creates the magic days, the magic relationships, enriched by time together.
The losses come in various flavors and some of them produce wins and draws because of what I learn from them and no matter what they keep things interesting and help me appreciate just how rare and amazing this time is. So, some of the losses in the early days include:
Overreach - In business I am used to making decisions with incomplete information, accepting the consequences when things don’t go well, and iterating to success with team mates. When your wife is a pediatrician and areas of the family operation that have functioned well without my involvement ever suddenly get my 100% attention, decision, action and debrief/review the results are interesting. I of course look at it like something new I learned, assess if it is applicable to that moment in time or perhaps a repeatable outcome. Whitney can literally be speechless, sometimes making her laugh a lot, as my hypothesis materially flounders.
The most obvious area I fluctuate on is sleep for the girls. Whitney and I are in total agreement on the importance of sleep for the kids. Implementation is a different universe however. At night I can be seen putting the girls to bed over a 1, 2 or 3 hour period with clearly my objective being to hang out with the girls, reading to them for as long as it takes until they hit a stamina wall and go to sleep. This serves two purposes: (i) I love the time with the girls, and (ii) makes bedtime a happy time! This approach has some obvious flaws, and doesn’t always work.
This inconsistency in my approach can be dramatic and seemingly (to Whitney) without justification. For instance, my approach to naps for our 3 year old. I am willing to sit through screaming inside the confines of the car for as long as needed to get her to take a nap during the day. This approach is obviously and often futile and agonizing for everyone else. The collateral damage of our screaming 3 year old in full nap resistance mode includes waking the sleeping baby, hitting/picking a fight with Scarlett (6 year old), and driving Whitney to the end of her sensibilities - think wonderful introvert cocoon being shattered!
Another area is how Whitney and I are now (almost) always together through the ups and downs of the day. So how we approach a tantrum, a request, or preparing to get out the door to an activity all comes into play. We are aligned on so much in these areas so it is the daily variation in our personal energy, patience, sleep debt, etc.
Well, it is super early days. And I am going to enjoy today, make a bunch of mistakes and learn a ton. When I reflect on today, I will see some wins, losses and draws. I hope more than anything that I see, feel and experience engagement and presence throughout the day.